1. Free Willy
Great kids’ movie that questions the morality of wild animals in captivity, but oh Heavens did the title make for some vulgar parody.
2. She’s the Man
Yea, we know what they were trying to say, but that’s not what they said. Cute, cool, funny movie, but the title makes it sound like she has junk in her trousers, not in the trunk.
3. Snakes on a Plane
If they were going to choose the dumbest premise for a movie in the history of cinematic flops, but they were hoping to fool people into checking it out because they landed a semi-solid cast, they shouldn’t have told the audience what the plot is with the title. Dummies.
4. Shaun of the Dead
Yea, obviously it’s a parody of the Dawn of the Dead, but it’s hard to believe the writers of the script spent more than 30 seconds brain-storming for something that rhymed with ”Dawn.” It’s even more difficult to believe someone got paid to come up with that title. What were the other options they mulled over? Ron? John? Juan of the Dead?
5. Brokeback Mountain
Nothing did more to perpetuate homophobia than the title becoming an an adverb, ”that dude wants to go brokeback on you bro!” It is a sympathetic movie that opened many peoples’ eyes to the realities of homosexuality and stereotypes, but maybe the worse title selection ever.
Perfect movie title because no one has any idea what the movie is about, so why not pick a completely random name that has nothing to do with this extra-terrestrial-invades-Earth, shot-on-phone-cameras, (like this decade’s Blair Witch Project but in an urban setting) flop. Never mind. The title is as dumb as the movie.
7. I Am Number Four
So someone let their pre-schooler name the movie for his birthday? ”Blow out the candles and tell everyone how old you are little Johnny!” Daddy coos. ”I am number four!” cries Johnny as he blows spit all over the cake.
”What do you want to name Daddy’s high budget film that could define or end careers depending on critical reviews?” Daddy asks hopefully. ”I Am Number Four!” screams Johnny again as he slams his pudgy little fist into Mickey Mouse’s frosting face splattering Grandma with cake. ”Brilliant!” cries Daddy, ” just genius!” No man, not really.
8. The Beaver
It’s just so wrong on so many different levels. And Mel Gibson believes his career went down the tubes because of an anti-Semitic rant he went on and a couple of DUIs? Noo, my friend. He stuck a fork in his career when he decided to co-star with a stuffed animal. The title of the movie was the cherry on top.
9. Zero Dark Thirty
First off, there is something too anything-to-make-a-buck about turning one of the most controversial and questioned events in U.S. history into a fictional, Hollywood, climax-film less than 48 months after the event occurred annoying.
But the fact that the people who wrote the script didn’t even do enough research with respect to the military to discover that the military rarely says ”zero dark thirty,” but rather, ”oh dark thirty,” makes the entire concept of the film even slimier. If ever the title of a movie is reason not to watch it, this is it.
10. V for Vendetta
What happened to A through U? We’re just going to skip right to the significance of V? Why not just call the movie Vendetta? How about D for Dumb Title?
11. Freddy Got Fingered
The thing about double entendre is that it’s more effective if it’s subtle. The idea is to make a person think of what is initially meant first, then let their mind slip toward the second meaning. It’s not slap them across the face with something vulgar and make them wonder what possible PG rated meaning the phrase could have. By the way, by Freddy Got Fingered, they mean pointed out in a line-up.
12. Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium
Even with Dustin Hoffman, the title makes the movie seem like a Willy Wonka knock-off… which it is.
13. Step Into Liquid
Awesome surf movie with a title that makes one think of bodily fluids, baby diapers, slipping on wet cow manure… anything and everything but surfing.
14. Surfer, Dude
Aside from the fact that it is grammatically incorrect — which is hard to do with a title — it’s so lazy in concept that it turns people off from a funny movie and a great performance.
15. Any Title with a Number After It
Rocky VI, Nightmare on Elm Street 8, Friday the 13th 13… The surest way to produce a Hollywood flop is to make a sequel (or a prequel). Sequels are always progressively worse than the original and anything after the sequel is guaranteed to be exponentially worse.